Don’t save her if you want to be with her.

I love this girl…… But I don’t want her.

Seems like an oxymoron doesn’t it? 

(God I hope that’s the right word or I look like an idiot).

But I have recently learned a lot about love, affection, reality & acceptance. I know that you can only go so far with people. That you would tear a muscle being “too involved” in their life, especially their drama.

I see a lot of guys (both old and young) continuously fall into this trap. And this happens to women too but for the sake of this article, we’ll stick to the male p.o.v.

The woman I love is a thousand miles away….. And loves someone else.

I resigned within myself that I should let her go, let her pursuit her version of happiness without me working against it.

That is the greatest act of love that I could give her. All I had to was to sacrifice my fantasies of her and I being together.

It took a while but eventually I was okay with it. That is until we had a conversation 5 days ago.

She stopped calling me, even checking in on me to see how everything is. We use to do that and I still wanted to see how she was doing. I knew her being in a relationship would mean that we would talk less but it’s almost been zero contact. 

I tried to give her her space but after not talking for a few months, I decided we needed to speak. At very least tell me that you don’t want to talk anymore.

At this point I feel like I’ve gone full internet complaint mode but… Oh well.

The last few conversations I’ve had with her have all been about her dealing with bad relationships and mental illness. No matter how many time I say that I’m there for her, it is to no avail.

When talking about her past and current relationships, I tried my best to be cool with it. I figured I lucky enough to know her so being her friend wasn’t bad. But when that’s all she wants to talk about, I start to form a little regret.

I try to be understanding, but I’m not going to be the person you complain about life to just to go back doing the same thing… That’s insane. I now know that no matter how much I’m there, it probably won’t happen. She will be miserable no matter what and will never feel the way I do. Damn shame.

I don’t blame her for feeling the way she does. I just hate that I feel like I’m never going to meet anyone better than her. I know there are better matches for me out there but I need to believe that myself.

I can’t help her, I damn sure we’ll can’t save her.

“Times don’t change, only technology does”.

I’ve heard this saying more in the past 24 hours than the last few months. And you know what…… It’s true!

We all witnessed yet again another example of police brutality and public execution. This wasn’t a satirising where there was a shootout and the bad guy got shot. And this wasn’t a case where they’re was no evidence of foul play so we have to take the officers word for it. We have high definition video of a man getting executed.

I’m so happy for the age and time that I live in, because now there’s a social backlash against police shootings. I hate it when people romanticize the past, they fall in love with the fashion and aesthetics but forget the social problems.

Right now I’m angry and I’m tired, but that doesn’t mean shit. This won’t go away. I’m not a religious person but i pray for my family. I pray for my niece and nephews. I pray they never have to go through this.