Daily Prompt: Scent

I walked out of the hospital the other day, my shift just ended and my feet was sure to be covered in blisters. I took 3 steps past the outside doors of the ER and that’s when I caught a familiar scent. I could never forget it. It’s not something you find in a cheap outlet mall, no fragrance in Sephora could match this. This was not just any scent, it was an essence. An essence of someone I have not seen in about 2 decades, a middle-school crush.  I’m taken back to the time I was enrolled in Jerry William’s Martial Arts class. There was a girl there who’s hair reminded me of those luxurious fur coats: soft, think, and shines in the sunlight. I forget her name but I could never forget her face, or her scent apparently. Now I’m back in present day and I’m looking for the source. I do a quick walkthrough around the ER but I can’t find her. I’m not sure what I’d do if I did. What would I say? I don’t think she would be receptive if I went to her and said, “Hey I caught a whiff of your scent that reminded me of that dirty ass dojo we use to go to years ago, wanna catch up?”. I don’t believe that would go well. Also, what would she look like? In my head, she’s a mature version of that brown-eyed girl who left a lasting impression on my sub-conscience, but reality doesn’t meet our expectations. She could be physically repulsive to me, suffer from a mental illness, be terminally ill, or probably just have bad breath.

I’m taken back to the time I was enrolled in Jerry William’s Martial Arts class. There was a girl there who’s hair reminded me of those luxurious fur coats: soft, think, and shines in the sunlight. I forget her name but I could never forget her face, or her scent apparently. Now I’m back in present day and I’m looking for the source. I do a quick walkthrough around the ER but I can’t find her. I’m not sure what I’d do if I did. What would I say? I don’t think she would be receptive if I went to her and said, “Hey I caught a whiff of your scent that reminded me of that dirty ass dojo we use to go to years ago, wanna catch up?”. I don’t believe that would go well. Also, what would she look like? In my head, she’s a mature version of that brown-eyed girl who left a lasting impression on my sub-conscience, but reality doesn’t meet our expectations. She could be physically repulsive to me, suffer from a mental illness, be terminally ill, or probably just have bad breath. Maybe she’s visiting a loved one, they might be injured or on their deathbed. Either way, a reunion would not be appropriate.

After 5 minutes of searching, I decide to give up the chase. By this time her scent has disappeared, I have lost her again. Maybe I need to let go, perhaps I need to keep her in the past. I’m ashamed to say that I have hopes of possibly seeing her because this was at the hospital that I work at. As messed up as it sounds, I hope she returns.

Guess I’ll leave that up to fate…

When I was younger I thought that I would just naturally become the person I was meant to be. I believed that just by living  this uncertain life I have, I would just accumulate all the right experience needed for the growth that works make me into the person I foresaw in my head. I wish I knew neck then that that’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works. You can’t trust the future that much. Not to the point where you entrust it with your most precious non-refundable gift: Your time. That is what you ultimately lose. The time you wasted believing that you will eventually figure everything out only to not be any more enlightened than you were before. You waste your time by falling into a job or a program of study that you have no interest in. You may tell yourself that it’s temporary but, that you’re going to stay until you “figure something out”. When that never comes, you just end up with a dark spot in your soul where your passion should be. Doing things this way just…. It makes you lazy. Lazy enough to rest on your laurels and give yourself to time in hopes of an epiphany of yourself in this temporary little life. I can imagine what I sound like from am outside perspective, but I say all this with the intention that the reader does not hesitate when it comes to self-discovery. I know it’s not too late for me or anyone but you do not want to have wasted time on your lists of regrets. This will be short and bittersweet. Please take control of your lives and just wait for things to happen or fall into place. You owe yourself more than that.