When I was younger, I never felt attractive. I was either too fat, too hairy, not tall enough or more simply not good enough. This lasted through both my teens and most of my twenties. This was in part due to my own insecurities, I was trying to model myself against my more attractive friends. All my friends are over six foot, have beautiful smiles, and have confidence for days. And I wouldn’t change any of it, that would make ME a shitty person to be around. Yep, my insecurities should not be pushed on them (even though I might’ve in the past). As I get older (Next year I will be 30), I’m starting to give fewer fucks about being attractive to random strangers. I mean, it would be nice to have that kind of broader appeal, but I need to face the fact that that might never happen. It’s no one’s fault, that just the random qualities that I got in this life. I’ve been feeling great lately; I’ve been going to the gym more, eating better(well fasting better), and I’ve been getting a handle on what I want to do professionally. …….I feel like I’m getting my old man swag!
I’m still a work in progress and has a long way to go in terms of meeting my goals, but it’s nice to feel like I’m on the right street at least. One of the things that helped me and that I’m still getting used to is giving myself a break. I can’t keep comparing myself to others, especially those who are younger who have achieved some form of success. I am on my own path, I have my own struggles and challenges and maybe in some instances, some advantages.
In writing this I guess I am making a commitment to myself that I will always keep improving. I will eventually become the best version of myself and I encourage everyone to do that.
Indulge my Tumblr rant for a moment:
I remember back when I had a Tumblr page, there was this one Tumblr circle-jerk sympathy post (that site was full of them) that went around detailing things that girls do to compromise (I guess that is the right word) with guys. Or let’s just say that girls feel pressured. Now I an not unsympathetic for all the fucked up things that guys do to girls, and I am DEFINITELY against rape. But I read something on there that really made me think that so many people on there might not be the brightest bulbs in the box.
There was this one girl who I followed(she was fine as hell, I will not lie) added the following:
“One time I was hanging out with this guy who was smoking some weed and I asked for some. He said that if I wanted to smoke with him then I would have to give him some booty. I really wanted to smoke some that day but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex. I ended up smoking with him and that is how I lost my virginity and this is why I don’t trust men.”
I didn’t say anything at the time because I didn’t want the entire Collective of feminist Tumblr jumping down my throat but that was probably one of the dumbest things that I’ve read in a while. If no one force you to do anything then you can’t blame them for any of your actions. If you make the conscious decision to have sex with somebody but then later on regrets having sex with them that’s not their fault you just regret an action that you chose to do. Again, I am against rape and I am against putting pressure on females in order to take advantage of them.
With that said you need to take responsibility for yourself and realize when some things are and aren’t your fault. I guess this is me really hating those circle jerk sympathy shit that goes on in that website because no one’s ever going to admit when things just MIGHT be their fault.
I don’t want this to come off as anti Tumblr because I legitimately do think that the website is needed because it does bring up certain problems in our society and it does shed light on certain issues. But on the flip side, Tumblr is full of annoying people complaining and crying wolf at everything and always needing a scapegoat for their problems. That’s part of the reason why I quit that site, aside from the pussy-pandering white knights on there.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my ranting. 😊