Old man Swag!

When I was younger, I never felt attractive. I was either too fat, too hairy, not tall enough or more simply not good enough. This lasted through both my teens and most of my twenties. This was in part due to my own insecurities, I was trying to model myself against my more attractive friends. All my friends are over six foot, have beautiful smiles, and have confidence for days. And I wouldn’t change any of it, that would make ME a shitty person to be around. Yep, my insecurities should not be pushed on them (even though I might’ve in the past). As I get older (Next year I will be 30), I’m starting to give fewer fucks about being attractive to random strangers. I mean, it would be nice to have that kind of broader appeal, but I need to face the fact that that might never happen. It’s no one’s fault, that just the random qualities that I got in this life. I’ve been feeling great lately; I’ve been going to the gym more, eating better(well fasting better), and I’ve been getting a handle on what I want to do professionally. I feel like I’m getting my old man swag!I’m still a work in progress and has a long way to go in terms of meeting my goals, but it’s nice to feel like I’m on the right street at least. One of the things that helped me and that I’m still getting used to is giving myself a break. I can’t compare myself to others and younger who have achieved some success. I am on my own path, I have my own struggles and challenges and maybe in some instances, some advantages.

I’m still a work in progress and has a long way to go in terms of meeting my goals, but it’s nice to feel like I’m on the right street at least. One of the things that helped me and that I’m still getting used to is giving myself a break. I can’t compare myself to others and younger who have achieved some success. I am on my own path, I have my own struggles and challenges and maybe in some instances, some advantages.

In writing this I guess I am making a commitment to myself that I will always keep improving. I will eventually become the best version of myself and I encourage everyone to do that.

Pushing 30 and still haven’t seen the world.

We all have a mental “list” of things that we want to do before we grow old. I know 30 isn’t old but when you’re a teenager it might as well be 60. We somehow see that age as the loss of fun. That’s when we’re suppose to be serious and balance checkbooks, and buy life insurance to leave for our 3 kids while wearing our not too fashionable parent clothes.

We fear getting to our 30’s. Could it be the overwhelming amount of pressure that we feel to have everything in order before we even reach that age? Or could it be that we see a lot of people around that age who are unhappy with their life? I think those two might be it.

By the time we are Thirty we’re suppose to: have a stable source of income, either already be parents or working on it, own more than one vehicle, be married, have some sort of “status behind our name”, and have done a lot of things right in our lives.

This way of thinking bogs us down and causes us to think that we are not good enough, that we don’t deserve to experience the flavor of life. We put off our naturally infused wanderlust.

Hmm…… maybe I’m just projecting. I’ve put off traveling for far too long.

I always have excuses (school, job, family, safety, depression, etc.), but this year is when I let go of those fears and hop on that plane.

I’m getting older, that I cannot help. But what I CAN help is what I’m going to do with my life.

I’m not going to let other people’s fears be projected onto me, and you shouldn’t either!

Let’s save up our money and take our trips because we deserve to see the world.

Whether it was physical or verbal, you remember how that felt? Remember how your chest tightened and your breathing increased because you were dealing with a new experience.

Maybe your voice cracked… you were speaking with such intensity and passion!

Your “Fight or Flight” was triggered.You were speaking so violently that you were sure that fire was gonna spew from your face. Your veins constricted, and your heart was pounding… you were getting ready for war.

Maybe not in the literal sense but this was your first time dealing with confrontation. Did it get any easier for you? Are your still slow to confront other people?

How was your first? Did you feel stringer? More powerful afterwards?

Or maybe you felt weak? Flaccid maybe, like your knees couldn’t lock and you struggled to stand up?

I wanna know….. Maybe you’ll re-learn something about yourself?